Overheard in the Library

Here are twenty five things overheard by librarians from around the world.

1. "He wants me to squeeze WHAT?" (Sweden)
2. "Sure it looks enflamed." (Kansas)
3. " I like to nut rub a book before I shelve it. (Vegas)
4. "That is the biggest mango I've ever seen." (Tampa)
5. "Its a book dickwad not a handgun." (Detroit)
6. "I rub lotion on my belly." (Minneapolis)
7. "Processing a new title in NOT the moral equivalent of dry humping." (Madison WI)
8. "No. We cannot Interlibrary Loan a Fillipino sex kitten for you." (St. Paul MN)
9. "Download this asshole." (Hong Kong)
10. "No a bare handed grab will not make the Library's end of the year highlight film." (Iceland)
11. "While I appreciate the offer of a hummer I can't accept it in lieu of a cash for your fines." (France)
12."Why yes I do stretch my buttcheeks every night." (Vatican City)
13. "Nice try Sparky but thats a CUCUMBER." (Tulsa)
14. "I'm sorry sir, NO PANTS NO SERVICE." (Pretoria SA)
15. "I have no interest in your salute to methane." (Spokane WA)
16. "Senator that's not a breath mint." (Idaho)
17. "I too fear accordian lessons." (Berlin)
18. "Let's get pants shitting drunk over in the juvy section." (Moscow)
19. "Make the voices stop." (New York)
20. "Guess who got the Library Mission Statement on his ass?" (Bismarck ND)
21. "Oh great here come the felons and pervert volunteers." (Attica NY)
22. "I'm looking for books on "Pet Neutering " if you know what I mean." (Iron Falls NY)
23 "Do these pants show off my package?" (Duluth GA)
24."Don't pick it up until I get a HazMat suit that fits."
25. "What's this? This is another piece of techonology they'll use to fire your ass."