Think this is going to be a lameo tie in to a stupid movie? No. We're talking here about Ken from the IronFalls library, 315-568-8265. This poor man can't shut up with his barely audible mutterings about "EVERY FREAKING THING ON THE AARC2," or so says co-worker Julie "I'm Not a Republican" W. who has worked with "that remorseless retard for five years." The problem presented itself shortly after Julie joined the Cataloging Team as a Binding Specialist and innocently asked about the correct cutter number for a book on Pet Neutering. This started Ken on his five year avalanche of arcane information, dark prophetic mutterings about "a coming shit storm" and subject headings. Despite pleas from the staff, and a special session memo from the ALA on the matter, Ken just keeps going like a "g-ddam, buzz saw" says Tom P staff psycho-therapist and intuitive healer. "It was my training in Aztec foot loosening which came, I might add, unbidden after viewing Mel Gibson's Apocolypto that allowed me to finally break through to this profoundly irritating person, " says Tom P adjusting himself as if for emphasis. "We got there but it wasn't pretty. It turns out that Julie's question drilled straight into a boundless reserve of bitterness that stems from Ken's sad, scorn-filled, childhood. You see Ken was mistakenly neutered by his shakey-handed, near-sighted grandfather who thought Ken was the beloved family goat who has scheduled to give up the nuggets that evening. In Ken's family goat nuggets are like gold to you and me. Ken screamed and pleaded but all he got from grandpa was a pat on the head and a handful of oats shoved in his gaping mouth. Julie, unknowingly, hit the Spindletop of repressed dysfunction."
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